Sisterfriends,

YAH! I was vulnerable. This is big! I allowed myself to feel. I allowed myself freedom. I felt embarrassed and humiliated. I felt accepted and judged, in the same space. I felt terrified. I felt relieved. I felt free to be me. I felt like a failure. I felt ALIVE.

I was awkward. I was bold. I released harbored love. I was quirky. I was emotionally available {👈🏾 that’s HUGE!}. I was too quick. I was too slow. I gave myself permission to expose my ignorance and gain knowledge. I was receptive. I was unguarded. I was present. I was reciprocal. I was real.

To give this context, Hi! 🙋🏾‍♀️ my name is Denise and I am a recovering gamophobe. I am doing the work to uproot my fear of commitment. In late 2019, I received this revelation of what I’d been struggling with for eons! What I thought I conquered was really just floating back to the top. See, I’m not okay but, I am coming to terms with relationships that exit stage right, be it their choice or mine. These experiences tended to exacerbate my phobia but something is changing, emotional healing is manifesting. What I thought healing to be, isn’t. I kind of expected healing to be a boom, bam, blip! DONE and CONQUERED. I am realizing, I am on a journey to manifested wholeness. I’m learning that being vulnerable doesn’t cripple me. It doesn’t make me weak, quelling it does. And come to find out, I’m still one dope ass sista ✊🏾, entrepreneur, and power-filled woman.

2020 has been quite revelatory, and I’m thankful for it. Prior to 2020, I would have kept myself distracted {hiding} behind the “busyness” of this magazine. Entering 2021 dwarfed and disillusioned.

I am learning to allow myself to feel all the feels. Every dodged emotion that formed my fear. I refuse to shut down. I will no longer recoil. Whether accepted or rejected, I am learning to cease chastising myself for being vulnerable. I am learning to abandon internalizing: misunderstandings, disappointments, rejection. I am adjusting, to simply accept the choices of others.

I am not going to throw myself back into my work…but I am getting back to work. Back to the dream, back to the vision, Back to life! I look forward to reconnecting. Gracefully manifest a prosperous New Year and Many Blessings Sissys.