Sisterfriends,

I went from gaaaaahhhh to God! You want me to do this?! I didn’t want…I didn’t think I was ready to share this or be labeled as crazy or mentally ill. Based on the initial reactions to the most recent headlines of the suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, for the majority of us, we were shook, saddened, confused and curious. There was a spike in advocacy for suicide prevention and a new call to action: “Check on your strong friends.” I stayed silent because I felt like I was jumping on the “bandwagon.” Truthfully, I was using it as an excuse to hide behind. So I was hesitant. I came across an IG caption of a phenomenal young woman. A woman whom I admire for traveling solo to some of the most beautiful, exotic, bucket list locations, and her transparency in dealing with depression. It reminded me of the urgency to share my own story. Honestly, I was fighting it since the last issue and as I write. My vision reminded me, IT’S WHAT THIS ENTIRE MAGAZINE IS ABOUT! to share stories and information that move women, anyone FORWARD in their purpose!

I suffered from high functioning depression. I could go to work and perform normal activities to keep up appearances, but on days when that was not required, it was considered a good day if I made it out of bed or across my apartment threshold. To add context to this story, I attempted suicide three times before the age of 12. I was almost successful at 10 years old. My last attempt was at 27 and I was and still am a Christian. What changed at 27? I wanted to stop hurting and I wanted to LIVE.

I personally don’t think depression is a disease in terms of drug treatment as its resolution. I believe it is rooted in pain, plain and simple. Anyone who has or is suffering from any form of depression and/or suicidal ideations is experiencing pain and its origin. I believe the anguish is what needs to be addressed and it’s wounds that must heal. We all experience some form of pain: rejection, mental, physical, sexual abuse and assault, betrayal, loss, failure, and shame, to typecast one as crazy or mentally ill is unfounded. I haven’t personally sought help through therapy but I’m not against it either. What I can vouch for, is the help I received from God’s Grace. His grace would tell me in those dark days and attempts, “tomorrow is a better day” and not that the “tomorrow” was sunshine and tulips, BUT surviving the attempt, the tiny spark of hope in that declaration, gave me a clearer perspective, it started the slow process of healing wounds. Finally accepting that I was accepted and loved as I am, started the mind shift, the change in my thoughts. It started the pursuit of internal joy and peace via grace.

I want to share this vital piece of wisdom I received with you, someone will not always physically be available to talk to or resolve that internal battle. Whether the therapist is in session or friends and family can’t or don’t answer texts or calls or for some reason, you can’t get through to the National Suicide Prevention hotline 1-800-273-8255.

Regardless of who you are, you will ALWAYS have the ear of God and access to His Grace {mercy and favor}.